Monday, August 16, 2010

Roller Coaster!

Life with cancer has really been a roller coaster ride!  I had lunch with my brother Sam and we were talking about how he had life so good with a super wife/best friend and 3 awesome boys, fantastic in-laws and lots of close family support.  Everyone is relatively healthy, good job, nice ward, nice neighbors.  My life was like that not long ago.  It made us both grateful for the goodness we have in our lives.  He has a neighbor who is having a hard time dealing with the news of his cancer.  Even though it is treatable, he has already fallen into hopelessness, which is a very sad state to be in, no matter what your situation is.

You know, my worst day wasn't when the first doctor told me that Jake had cancer, it was when the last doctor told me that there was no hope that he didn't have cancer!  Then came the grief and shock and sadness and wondering how this happened to Jake!  But then, came the hope again.  Hope that the doctors could treat this illness, hope that Jake would be able to withstand the side effects of the treatments and keep a good attitude, hope that I could deal with this without having too many break downs, hope that we could afford the financial strain that comes with treatment, hope that I could manage my life in a way that every good/important thing could stay on my plate and that somehow I could be super woman and handle it all!

Every child dreams of what their life will be like and hardly anyone's lives live up to those dreams.  Sometimes they are more fantastic than we could have imagined.  Many times there is much more tragedy than we expected and we ask God, "Really!   Is this what I signed up for?!"  and He'll say, "Yes!  Isn't it fabulous how much you've grown already!  Don't walk away from the blessings!"

Here is the chemo song I wrote for Emily.  Who knew I would sing it for my own child!

Chemo makes me sick!
I don't like it a bit!
I lost my hair!
But I don't care, cause...
I am a child of God
and He has sent me here
has given me an earthly home
with family kind and dear.
Lead me guide me walk beside me
help me find the way.
Teach me all that I should do
to live with Him some day!
(I Am a Child of God words by Naomi Ward Randall)

p.s.  Roller Coasters are very exciting to ride!!!  Some parts fun, some parts not-so-much!  Never a dull moment! :)
Life is good!


White Family said...

Hi Rose -this is Angie Hansen White -I saw some of your posts on Facebook and decied to check out you blog. I am so sorry to hear your news, but I wanted to let you know how wonderful and inspiring you are! Your testimony is so incredibly strong -what an amazing woman you are!We will keep you family in our prayers and I will spread the word to my mom and dad and brothers and sisters to do the same as well. Love and hugs to you!

Rose said...

Thanks Ang! You're very sweet!

Jill Heaps said...

Emily LOVED this song and so do I! I love you most of all though! Thank goodness for HOPE :) It carries us through the darkest of days...

fern said...


Lisa Hartle said...

Hi Rose! I was just getting caught up in the blogging world and read some of your post and I have to tell you-YOU ARE AMAZING! Your attitude with your trials are so inspirational! Thanks for sharing, I think of you and your family often and you all are included into my prayers.
Still your neighbor-Lisa :)