Sunday, August 28, 2011

Who made me laugh?

My niece and nephew, Logan and Nadia brought their 2 y.o., Joseph yesterday.  They wanted to stop and see Jake and make a donation to the family trip.  I was so happy to see them.  Joseph is a very active 2 year old...they didn't want to bring him in the house, but every little kid loves Aunt Rose!  Right?  There was nothing in my aunt or grandma arsenal that worked on Joseph! ...not the dog, not a fruit snack, not even a toy car would convince him!  He just wanted to go sit in the car and push buttons!  He got down from his father's arms and started for the car, fully expecting his parents to follow.  When they didn't follow right away, he came back to the door, gave them "the look", turned himself around and headed for the car's like he was saying, "I thought I had you guys trained better that this!  When I turn and walk towards the car, you two are to follow me out!"  He did this about 4-5 times!  It was hilarious!

Church is kinda hard for me...It's kinda a mixed bag.  So many people there wanting to give their love and support, yet a constant reminder of the challenges I face.  Always lots of comforting hugs...sometimes tears (who am I kidding...always tears)!  I haven't been to church without shedding tears since...I can't remember when.  It's the only place some people have an opportunity to see they come with their kind words and well wishes...and often, mine is not the only broken heart. 

The kindness and tender mercies keep pouring in.  One of my dear friend's family is taking Spencer school shopping tomorrow!  It will be all about Spencer!  How awesome is that!  What a thoughtful gesture!  Poor guy has been put on the back burner for the past year.'s all about him!

One of my other nieces bought Jake an Xbox 360 and his favorite game!  We have had generous annonymous gifts of cash to help us take a family trip.  The bad part for me is I can't look at those people and know of their generous love for us.  The angels who haven't remained annonymous, I can look at them and remember the sweet acts of service and love they have done for Jake and our family.  Well, God knows who you are...and I am praying for sweet blessings to be poured out upon your head in your time of need! 

Thanks for loving us!

Sunday, August 21, 2011


I have finally gotten past that old plateu and lost 40 lbs!  I may not be able to control everything that is happening around me...but I can control this part...mostly.

I'm going to visit my dad in New York in a couple months.  I will laugh if he doesn't recognize me!  I look forward to buying some new jeans for the trip.  I truly hate wearing clothes that are too big for me...especially pants!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Here's the scoop...

Jake started chemo last Thursday.  The regimen was 2 chemo's at the hospital, one once a day at home (yes, I am officially a cancer nurse!)  I never thought I could stomach watching another person throw up...but I can.  After 3 days of this chemo that made him so sick to his stomach, Jake declared that he did not want to finish.  We convinced him to at least finish the 2 more we had in the fridge.

This was my quiet spot (Coast of Oregon)
When the tumors first appeared, I was a little freaked out!  I have to admit that I found a place away from others and cried until the tears were temporarily out of order.  My mother heart was broken into pieces and I asked God to hold it for a while, until He healed it.  My heart literally ached, not from despair, but from sorrow.  The sobs heard from my throat, came from my heart...from my soul...from depths I never knew existed.

I was not hopeless.
I was not lost.
I was not without love.
I was not forgotten.
I was fallen, like a heap of clay on the sand.

I felt the warmth of loving arms envelop me and all my worries and fears and broken heart...
Crying time was heart was healing...
I can sympathize with those who care for loved ones
...and perhaps I can help them through what seems to them...the hardest part of their journey.

God told me it would be hard...and it is...

I look forward to the day when I can feel joy again!
I'm on my way!
"Awesome and Fabulous" are part of my vocabulary again.

We shall not live in cancer!
We shall live in hope and love and peace.
Let sadness fall by the wayside.
Let broken hearts mend...
Let them be full of gratitude.
May we fill our lives with service to others.
...and when Joy finds her way back to my door
May I hear her knock, open my arms wide and embrace her!