Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Here's the scoop...

Jake started chemo last Thursday.  The regimen was 2 chemo's at the hospital, one once a day at home (yes, I am officially a cancer nurse!)  I never thought I could stomach watching another person throw up...but I can.  After 3 days of this chemo that made him so sick to his stomach, Jake declared that he did not want to finish.  We convinced him to at least finish the 2 more we had in the fridge.

This was my quiet spot (Coast of Oregon)
When the tumors first appeared, I was a little freaked out!  I have to admit that I found a place away from others and cried until the tears were temporarily out of order.  My mother heart was broken into pieces and I asked God to hold it for a while, until He healed it.  My heart literally ached, not from despair, but from sorrow.  The sobs heard from my throat, came from my heart...from my soul...from depths I never knew existed.

I was not hopeless.
I was not lost.
I was not without love.
I was not forgotten.
I was fallen, like a heap of clay on the sand.

I felt the warmth of loving arms envelop me and all my worries and fears and broken heart...
Crying time was over...my heart was healing...
I can sympathize with those who care for loved ones
...and perhaps I can help them through what seems to them...the hardest part of their journey.

God told me it would be hard...and it is...

I look forward to the day when I can feel joy again!
I'm on my way!
"Awesome and Fabulous" are part of my vocabulary again.

We shall not live in cancer!
We shall live in hope and love and peace.
Let sadness fall by the wayside.
Let broken hearts mend...
Let them be full of gratitude.
May we fill our lives with service to others.
...and when Joy finds her way back to my door
May I hear her knock, open my arms wide and embrace her!


Jill Heaps said...

I love you Rose! We are praying for you EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!
I am so proud of you miss nurse :) Way to go! I hope Jake feels better soon and I am praying that this is the answer!

Fern said...

Love you sis!

pollyjms said...

Rose, I can not believe I missed the notice of Jake's passing.
Does the pain get better? Yes
I'm not sure I can say better, just easier to live with.
Does it go away? No.
You will find the dragonfly's (a story I have on my son's memorial page go to mysondarren.com)
touching you life and heart almost everyday.
You will think of him everyday.
Somedays will be all smiles and somedays tears of joy and somedays tears of pain.
When I read your blog it reminds me of the song 100 years.
And why our son's didn't get that 100 years are questions I'm sure every mother that has lost a child wonders.
But we know the blessing of the gospel, our families are eternal.
I am so sorry for your pain. How I prayed for you and Jake. And my prayers will continue for you
And I'm sure Jake is singing
"love grows where Rosemary goes and nobody knows but me!"
My love and prayers my "sweet" friend!
Polly Maurer Smith.