So, we are getting closer to the third to the last long chemo. Platelet counts were only up to 44 on Thursday, so we have been getting him detoxed as often as possible (Thank you so much, Sharon!). He will get his blood drawn tomorrow to see where he's at. If his platelets are not up to 75, no chemo this week.
Last night, he spiked a fever of 103! He refused to go to the hospital. I called the Hem/Onc doctor on call, and had her talk to him, but he still wouldn't go. He had a detox yesterday and this afternoon. He asked Dave and Zack for a blessing. Between the two of them, his fever is back down to normal. I'm grateful for that, but he said, "See mom! Aren't you glad we didn't go to the ER?" I'm grateful he is feeling better, but I didn't want this little miracle to feed into his teenage invincibility. Now it will be even harder to get him to the hospital when he needs to go. I am so looking forward to this being over!
I received a note last night that my sister-in-law's mom died of cancer yesterday. She has had 6 bouts of cancer to battle these past years. My uncle Jack was diagnosed with cancer and won't make it to his next birthday. The lady down the street was diagnosed with cancer and is going through radiation therapy. It all came to a head this morning and I just couldn't stop the tears all day.
Have you ever felt like someone peeled back the protective layers of your heart and left it laying there, vulnerable to every sad thought or touching moment? Do you ever see someone cry and it makes you cry? Yes, I looked in the mirror, saw myself crying and cried even more. (I know you men can't relate to this, but the sista's have got my back on this one!) Singing the opening hymn in church made me cry. Thinking about the missionary leaving made me cry. Hugging a friend made me cry. Thinking about hugging a friend made me cry? Thinking about trials made me cry. Leading the music in RS made me bawl like a baby! (Extremely embarrassing!) I hid my face for part of the song with the book. The pages were blurred by my tears, so I just took some deep breaths, stopped trying to sing and led on...tears streaming down my face. I didn't want to take away from the spirit of the meeting, but I had no control at that point. I text a friend and told her my heart needed her to come sit by me. She came...and I could feel her love envelope me and bear me up through the rest of the meeting.
I don't ever remember feeling this vulnerable in my life, or sad! I'm glad I'm feeling better now...stronger, somehow. I apologize to my RS sisters who had to witness this emotional meltdown, but I am grateful that I was surrounded by their love, when it happened. I'm not saying this is the worse day of my life, just a very emotional one. Serving my family will help me get out of this funk, so I'm going to go make their favorite dinner.
As Alexander's mom said....Some days are like this...even in Australia!